My child hates math. How can I help?

The short answer

Lower the pressure first, then look for what is behind the dislike. For extra practice, try 10 to 15 minutes, play number games, and praise effort, not speed. Keep your own comments about math calm. Ask your child's teacher which skills look shaky, since "I hate math" can mean a skill from an earlier year never settled. If worry affects sleep or school, or brings stomachaches, talk to your child's doctor or school counselor.

Why kids say "I hate math"

When a child says they hate math, they often mean that math makes them feel stuck, or that they feel slower than everyone else. The feeling is real, and there is often something you can try.

If a skill from an earlier year never settled, later topics that lean on it can feel harder. A child can decide they are "bad at math" when a skill or two is still shaky. Pressure, like timed tests or comparing scores with friends or siblings, can make math feel worse for some children.

Dislike often looks like boredom or putting homework off. Anxiety can look like freezing on a problem your child knew yesterday, or tears at the kitchen table. You don't need to label it. At a calm moment, ask your child, "Which part feels hardest?" Then notice what you see:

• Which part goes wrong: starting, getting stuck halfway, or checking the answer
• Whether it's all of math or one topic, like fractions or word problems
• Whether it's worse with a timer, on tests, or only at home

Lower the pressure at home

Children can pick up on how the adults around them feel about math. That is no reason to feel guilty. In one 2015 University of Chicago study of first and second graders, children whose math-anxious parents often helped with homework learned less math over the school year, and ended it more anxious about math, than other children in the study. It shows a link, not proof of cause, and it can't tell you what is true for your family.

That doesn't mean you should stop helping. A second 2015 study from the same research group asked families of first graders to share short math story problems at home. Children whose families were asked to do this learned more math over the school year than a comparison group, and the gain was largest for children of math-anxious parents. It was one study of one program, so treat it as encouraging, not proven.

So keep it light and calm. If math homework stresses you out, it's fine to hand that job to another adult.

Praise the effort and the strategy, not speed or being "smart." Naming what your child did shows them what to do again.

• Swap "I was never a math person" for "This was hard for me too."
• Swap "You're so smart" for "You tried a second way."
• Treat a wrong answer as a clue: "Show me how you got that."

Keep practice short, and make it a game

Long, tense sessions can teach a child that math means misery. For any practice beyond homework, try 10 to 15 minutes at a time, start with a problem they can already do, and stop while it's still going well.

If timed drills bring tears, drop the timer at home for now, and tell the teacher if timed tests at school do the same. Confidence can come first and speed later.

Math also hides in everyday life, where it doesn't feel like homework.

• Younger children: board games where you count spaces along a numbered track, the card game War (the bigger number wins), dice games, counting change, or measuring for a recipe
• Older children: number puzzles, using four playing cards to make 24, splitting a restaurant bill, comparing prices per ounce, sports stats, or budgeting for something they want

When homework turns into tears

A child who is crying or frozen can't learn much in that moment. Calm comes first. The homework can wait a few minutes. Try this:

• Take a short break: a snack, a drink of water or a quick walk.
• Name the feeling: "This feels stuck. That's OK."
• Do one problem together, or try a smaller version with easier numbers.
• Draw it, or use coins, blocks or fingers.
• If it still isn't working, stop. Write a short note for the teacher, like "Stuck here after 20 minutes." That tells the teacher what to go over.

What to ask your child's school

Your child's teacher sees them do math every day, so start there. A short, friendly email or meeting can show you what the teacher sees in class.

If you wonder whether a learning difference such as dyscalculia (a learning disability in math) could be part of it, ask the school and your child's doctor. In a US public school, you can ask in writing for a free evaluation. The school must either agree or explain in writing why it won't, and it needs your written consent before it starts the evaluation. If your child is at a private school or is homeschooled, ask your local public school district how to request one.

Questions to ask the teacher:

• What do you see in class? Does my child freeze, rush, or avoid starting?
• Is it most of math, or one or two topics?
• Is it worse on timed tests, or when working in front of others?
• While confidence builds, can some practice be untimed?
• If things don't ease with help, should we talk about an evaluation?

When the worry needs a professional

Some worry about math is common. Talk to your child's doctor or school counselor when the worry spreads beyond math or gets in the way of daily life. A doctor can also check that stomachaches or headaches have no other cause.

If your child ever talks about hurting themselves or not wanting to be alive, don't wait. Call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If they are in danger right now, call 911.

Signs worth a call to the doctor or counselor, even if it isn't an emergency:

• Stomachaches or headaches on school days or before tests
• Trouble sleeping, or dread that starts the night before
• Trying to stay home from school
• Saying harsh things about themselves, like "I'm stupid" or "I'm bad at everything"
• Worry that keeps going and doesn't ease with support

When a tutor can help, and how GlowGrades classes work

Extra help makes sense when your child has gaps they can't close alone, or when homework has turned into a nightly fight. Ask the school what extra help it offers first, then decide whether a tutor would add something.

A tutor helps with the math itself. A tutor is not a treatment for anxiety, and nobody can promise how a child will feel about a subject.

For a child who dreads math, the tutor's manner matters too, not only what they know. Look for patience, and a willingness to go back to an earlier skill without making it feel babyish. Look for someone who asks your child to explain their thinking, not just shows the answer. After a few sessions, watch whether your child seems calmer or more tense.

If you decide to try GlowGrades, every class is live, 1-on-1, with the teacher you pick.

The first class is free, so you can judge the fit yourself.

Questions parents ask

Want to see if a teacher clicks with your child?

Every class is live, 1-on-1, with the teacher you pick. The first class is free, so you can judge the fit yourself.

Sources

• University of Chicago News: Parents' math anxiety can undermine children's math achievement
• Maloney and others (2015): Intergenerational effects of parents' math anxiety on children's math achievement and anxiety
• University of Chicago News: Math story time at home bolsters achievement in school
• Berkowitz and others (2015): Math at home adds up to achievement in school
• HealthyChildren.org (American Academy of Pediatrics): School avoidance
• Understood: Evaluation rights: what you need to know
• Understood: 6 steps to request a free school evaluation
• Understood: Informed consent in the special education process: what you need to know
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline